though there are exceptions, i feel live journal entries can trivialize significant moments in life. when it comes to what really matters to me, and my most personal revelations, i prefer to keep my distance from the internet. though technology can be a very useful tool, i find it is not the best platform to express myself. i just personally find it limiting. though on one hand most of the people who read what i write are friends, it is also a public space best used for general announcements and sparking conversation. i can not help but think of all who will read an entry- and in turn, validate what i have to say. however, i know [outside of lj, myspace, aim, etc] that is not something i need, nor value. just because i love to verbally express myself, and talk with others at great length does not translate to the internet.
i am conflicted though. i say all this junk now, but who is to say tomorrow evening you wont be able to find my latest failure, triumph, or revelation spilled out in choppy paragraphs- screaming for comments. perhaps a healthy balance is the answer. there is no reason i should feel bad about writing a personal entry, or throwing out a new idea i have recently been entertaining. a part of us yearns to be understood and foster a sense of community. though i may not seek other's approval, or put very much stock in society, mass culture, etc- i can not deny my tendencies as a social creature. so, i suppose my issue is not whether or not involving others in such pursuits is wrong, but more what platform i choose to use. i recognize the power people have to help us in further understanding ourselves, and i value other's contributions [especially those who foster a sense of honesty, and maintain a subjective lens]. okay, this is very disjointed.
so, perhaps it is not the sharing of ideas or the internet [lj] as a means of expression that i find myself being so critical of, but the reason i may put certain things out there for all to see. what was once, though not obviously so at the time, a way of painting a certain picture of who i am and how i feel- has shifted to a more honest, less controlled outlet. we all do it, too. for fear of being harshly judged or confronted by someone you may wish to speak of- we censor ourselves. as i grow more into a personal sense of self that is less rooted in "others", i find this to be less of a problem. i was once very concerned with how others would react to my truth- even close friends. though i may have thought or felt it, more often than not, i would not write it. i find this to almost contradict the useful aspects of something like a live journal. if used correctly, it could bring people closer together- to a better understanding. i am quickly realizing my fears were irrational, and i was merely being insecure. as far as people go, the only feelings i can take into account are that of my good friends. though i mainly function internally as an independant being, i love my friends- and value their histories and theories in relation to my own. i will always continue to value self-definition, free from social constructs and labels [a life long pursuit] above all else. however, that does not take away ANYTHING from my relationships- it just puts it all into perspective. meaning, i find one can still honor their friendships and romantic partners, and hold them in the same esteem that indivuals who are less focused on self-definition and self-preservation. this is because, just as i value my own truths and means of attaining that truth, i see no right way of being. i think this best makes sense in simple terms. above all- i value choice. furthermore, i understand that our individual truths are subjective...and that it is challenging of assumptions and means of finding that truth that matters. for example, it is in no way wrong for a woman to shave her legs, bear children, or enter into a traditional heterosexual union. however, as with any other authentic truth, it is how we reach those conclusions that matter. traditionally, especially in second wave feminism, the example listed above was looked down on because it was seen as the result of gender roles, patriarchy, and the conditioning of women as merely romantic, sexual, or maternal beings. though in many cases, that may very well be true- it is not fare to assume a woman could not reach those same conclusions on her own. feminism functions in its most simple state to break down the barriers humans have been developing for centuries. however, as a result of trying to define what it is to be a woman free from oppression- an equally restrictive alternative is the result. this leaves so many out of the feminist circle. i as a man, and a women [like the example listen above] who can make an informed decision about who she is, free from construct, should be just as valued as the unshaven, militant, anti-femme, bra- burning steriotype. over all, and this really is a simple concept...there is no right way to be a feminist. this is about exploring your own truth, whatever it may be, free from labels, codes, government control, religion, or any other source of oppression.