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.you are the blood in my veins. [entries|friends|calendar]
nick.

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work work. [01 Jul 2006|12:05am]
i have started my new job. as of tuesday i began working as a leasing consultant at nottingham apartments. though it's not the most exciting job i have ever had, at least it is something. oh, and it's 40 hours a week!


not much else going on. lots of good times with friends. looking forward to the rest of the summer/the fall semester.

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more polaroids because nobody has time for words. [23 Jun 2006|09:06pm]

after philip's visit from monday till wednesday- tricia, patricia, tom, and kevin ventured my way for kalamazoo fun. it isn't often i entertain, but rather enjoy it when i do. we partook in some wine, and a bit of jordan's new hookah. on thursday we all rose at 7 am for breakfast, only to be followed by an wonderful afternoon with patricia and tricia. this has been an amazing week, and i now look forward to an exciting weekend.

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exceeded my expectations. [22 Jun 2006|02:00pm]
this week i rented dave chapelle's block party. i had heard good things, but did not expect to love the documentary so much. the performances were amazing, and featured the reunion of the fugees. please go see this film. i thought this part was kind of funny.


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performances by:

erykah badu
common
mos def
talib kweli
john legend
pras
dead prez
jill scott
the fugees
kanye west
the roots

watch the trailer

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business savy [19 Jun 2006|08:20am]

Though I immediatly recognized the evil that the Devos family represents, I do not think I fully grasped the threat Dick's political career will pose to the well-being of michigan residents. In this past Sunday's Detroit Free Press, I learned how Dick has already shattered spending records, and is "reshaping Michigan's political landscape...with a personal mission closely linked to the nation's most politically and culturally conservative niches". The article goes on to reveal how he has already spent over 5 million dollars- the most spent on TV ads in the governor race. Apparently, DeVos' TV image shows a nonpolitical successful business man. Oh my. I don't understand how people are ok with that. I like that American politics has reached the point where we openly accept a candidate who purchases their position, and has little or no political history.


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For those of you who do not know, the DeVos family out of Grand Rapids is one of the nation's wealthiest families. I hear that years ago Betty Devos pressured Grand Valley to stop offering partner benefits to their gay and lesbian staff, or they would pull funding. Of course they listened. The article also revealed that the family is among the NATION'S biggest donors to Republican and religious-conservative causes. I am so glad DeVos is leading Granholm in the polls.

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[16 Jun 2006|05:02pm]
these past couple of days have been beautiful. tricia and i had our coffee date. our conversation was very reassuring, and really helped me to put some things in perspective. we hold very similar views on what is important, and what is temporary. i pull a lot of strength from her, as she knows how to stand on her own.

later that evening philip arrived for a surprise visit, and on thursday we joined tricia for an afternoon in ann arbor. the weather was amazing, and tricia owns the best summer mixes ever. we hung out with my mother for the rest of the evening, then joined my sister and her friends for a bonfire. i can't get over how nice it has been out for the past two weeks. this is my ideal weather. i feel good, and look forward to two very promising job prospects when i return to kalamazoo on monday.

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[14 Jun 2006|04:09pm]
this last week has really been intense, and i'm not sure what to make of it all. it seems everything is in extremes. hot and cold, good and bad, happy and sad. while i have been experiencing some amazing connections, i have also found myself feeling alienated, angry, and disconnected with others. i feel as though all of my dynamics are changing at once.


got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. it went very well, and i have experienced very little pain. today i feel fine, and have little or no swelling. we picked tricia up from the air port last evening. her visit could not have come at a more perfect time. while things may be shifting or becoming increasingly complicated with others, she is my constant. i don't know, i just feel very overwhelmed by so many things. the plan is to get coffee and have a nice walk around downtown plymouth.

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[12 Jun 2006|04:03pm]

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this weekend was amazing.

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[07 Jun 2006|07:29pm]
it has been a very good week.



sunday there was beech fun for eric's birthday. we talked, snacked, played, and watched the sunset.

monday lauren and i had a few beers and made our self quite the fire. we made a smore, and payed a visit to the neighbor's fire.

last evening, i ventured to grand rapids to hang out with tom. we hunted high and low for the craft, but had no luck. instead, we enjoyed some red wine and a little magick with eric and mandy.

today i donated plasma for the first time. it actually was not bad at all, and only wish i would have gone in sooner. after i go in for the second time on friday, that will be $55.00. not bad.

philip will be on his way shortly. all i hope is that this visit involves lots of wine and south haven. i am easily pleased.

this weekend will bring a visit from patricia and an amazing party in honor of tom. i can hardly contain myself.

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[27 May 2006|08:47pm]
there is some sort of badger/ground hog living in our parking lot. oh, and i just saw a little one following her around. who would have thought black top and single car garage stalls could become a wild life sanctuary.

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[26 May 2006|03:58pm]
eric and i had ice cream for breakfast, and then took a walk.

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[21 May 2006|03:40pm]
i figured a weekend of fun was a good way to distract myself from job hunting nonsense.



friday, after applying a few more places, i went to grand rapids for the night. eric and i had an amazing dinner, complete with complimentary desert. we decided it was homosexual privilege. we then met up with tom to go see american gun. though mildly entertaining, it was actually one of the most poorly made films i have seen in a while. however, before the movie started we walked around the art they were hosting that evening...only to find out it was all about abstinence? it was more or less juvenile "collages" about waiting for sex, and the room was littered with slanted statistics. apparently over 60% of teens are drunk or high when they loose their virginity? it was silly.

saturday afternoon i departed for home. though my initial motivation was laundry, i also thought it would be nice to hang out and see some people before i start working. we actually ended up seeing thank you for smoking, which pleasantly exceeded my expectations. not only was it hilarious, but had some really good messages about thinking for yourself. i liked that there was no good or bad guy. both sides of the debate were shown to be flawed, often relying on very similar strategies in marketing their images. i also really liked the father/son relationship, as he taught his son to be skeptical and question authority. they used this really extreme platform of big tobacco vs. various health organizations and political figures to show that in the end...you have to make your own choices. i don't know, it as really neat. oh, and there were four guys sitting in front of us getting wasted.

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cindy sherman is amazing. [19 May 2006|12:41pm]

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remember that night
we liked to play old board games
him into trouble and you into risk
thank god for gravity he replied
to a question she never asked before she made her final move
he stopped motion with his timex, grabbed her by the arm and said

o my god

even this overpass
sees more travel than us
i’m reading what to say from a book of violent weather
your limbs flail to music that only you can hear
make your mouth some headphones
and whisper in my ear

o my god

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jobby job update. [18 May 2006|02:13pm]
the search continues. i've had three interviews- all of which have gone very well. of the three, the only one with even mild potential is national city. however, it is only twentysomething hours...working from two to six. that means i would probably not be able to find a second part time job to compensate for the lack of hours, as two is too early in the day, and six too late in the evening. oh, and it would not start until june 5th.

going home is looking like less and less of a possibility. not only do i like kzoo itself, but also its proximity to grand rapids. i do not know if i could be away from them for that long, and tom would have left for grad school by the time i returned. who would hire someone for two months, anyway? i just wish i had more shit to sell. i can not part with my books or movies, and i don't own too much besides that. there is the plasma clinic, but i do not think if i have reached that level of desperation just yet.

obviously this is all very upsetting because i have no money, but also because i can not help but feel lazy and worthless. playing on the internet and living off my parent's assistance isn't exactly where i would like to be.

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[15 May 2006|12:36am]
i have rediscovered lauryn hill, and i can not stop listening.



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Yo, there's a war in the mind, over territory
For the dominion
Who will dominate the opinion
Skisms and isms, keepin' us in forms of religion
Conformin' our vision
To the world churches decision
Trapped in a section
Submitted to commiting election
Moral infection
Epedemic lies and deception
Insurrection
Of the highest possible order
Destortin' our tape recorders
From hearin' like under water
Beyond the borders
Fond of sin and disorder
Bound by the strategy
It's systematic deprivaty
Heavy as gravity
Head first in the cavity
Without a bottom
A faith, worse than Saddam
Once got him
Drunk of the spirits
Truth comes, we can't hear it
When you've been, programmed to fear it
I had a vision
I was fallin' in indescision
Apollin', callin' religion
Some program on television
How can, dime and the wisdom
Be recognized in the system
Of Anti-Christ, the majority rules
Intelligent fools
PhD's in illusion
Masters of massconfusion
Bacholors in past illusion
Now who you choosin'
The head, the tail
The bloodshed of male

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beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth. [11 May 2006|01:22pm]
that rain, it is still going. i think i will stay in for the afternoon with some tea. perhaps a movie as well.



good news. two interviews and counting.

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make me bold, like a horse. [10 May 2006|05:11pm]
i decided to be productive today. first i went to apply at barnes and noble. for whatever reason, that book store's staff is made up entirely of back-to-work retirees, thirty nine year old nerds, and awkward high school teachers trying to pick up some spare cash. it is the second time i have applied there, and in both cases i was rudely dismissed and told the manager would not like it if he had to come and talk to me? you see, when i turned in my application one man told me he would call the manager to come speak with me, but before he could do so the rude woman whispered "he wouldn't like that". she then turned to me and said "you don't want to start things off like that". it was awkward so i thanked them and left. down the street, i had better luck at bed bath and beyond. though it is definitly not my first choice, at least they are hiring and responsive. if something does not happen by the end of next week i will most likely be going back to redford for the summer. i am almost certain i could find a job/go back to my old job(s), and i wouldn't have to worry about groceries and what not. we shall see.



oh, and the rain today in magnificent. perhaps it is because i do not have to go to school or work in this rain, but from my computer desk it sounds and looks wonderful.

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we couldn't stop hugging. [07 May 2006|04:15pm]
the first week out of school was a bit odd. still looking for a job, i don't have much else to do. so many people still go home for the summer, and many others work non-stop and/or take classes. i apply for jobs and read by day. waste time by night. however, i am beginning to feel much more optimistic about this break. hopefully i'll land one of the ten thousand jobs i applied for this week.


my weekend was very good, and it looks as though plans are shaping nicely for the coming days. if only grand rapids was not so far. i always enjoy my time there so much, and meet dozens of cool people. last evening matt and i ventured up to see tom, eric, and kevin. though i am usually not one for "house parties", i had a really good time. hah, it was the first time i have ever been at a party where the cops showed up. it would have been really nice to stay later, but sneaking out secret basement staircases into a dark ally makes for a much better story. i missed walking at night. it is finally getting to be that temperature where we can wonder, sometimes stumble, around the city. i believe this week will bring me a much needed visit from philip, another grand rapids adventure, and a party at matt's.

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insights from [04 May 2006|01:15pm]
from the dalai lama calender sam got me for my birthday:



[thursday may fourth]

i love friends. i want more friends. i love smiles. that is a fact. how to develop smiles? there are a variety of smiles. some smiles are sarcastic. some smiles are artificial- diplomatic smiles. these smiles do not produce satisfaction, but rather fear or suspicion. but a genuine smile gives us hope, freshness.






i thought it was lovely, and now i must go and apply at one thousand more places.

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because tom did it. [03 May 2006|01:58pm]






Which Western feminist icon are you?




You are Angela Davis! You were the THIRD WOMYN IN HISTORY to appear on the FBI's Most Wanted List. You are a communinist, black power-lovin' lady who shook up the United States when you refused to lie down quietly to oppression. You WENT TO JAIL! Wow. You kick so much more ass than Foxxy Brown.
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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for things they can't, and wont be sorry for. [02 May 2006|11:48pm]
my journey home was wonderful. often times, i wish i could stay.

patricia, whitney, and i went to go see american dreamz with hugh grant and mandy moore. i must say it had its good points. basically, the movie is about the state of american politics and popular culture. there is a television show called american dreamz [american idol] and a confused, misinformed president who was just elected to his second term [george bush]. what i liked about the film was how overt is was. however, patricia and i were both confused as to how we felt about the portrayal of middle-easterns. i still can't tell if the film was playing off and drawing attention to popular stereotypes, or perpetuating the image of the non-discript "arab" terrorist. perhaps i should see it again, but i do recommend everyone go see it.

tonight we swept, dusted, scrubbed, and bleached the apt. tomorrow i have an interview at zazios.

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[01 May 2006|12:14pm]
oh my, what a mildly unstable point i am at. the job search is not going as well as i would have hoped, and it appears things at home are not the best they have ever been. i am constantly worried about my mother. it appears my father went insane last week- causing me to question the longevity of my parent's marital status. nothing too serious, but apparently he disappearded one night till almost 3AM, and wouldn't tell my mother where he was. the next day, they were awkward for a few hours, but quickly gave way to the routine of daily life. yes, i realize that many, many families encounter much more serious issues, but this is strange for me nonetheless. like i said, i worry about my mother, but also about my sister. i feel this strange need to protect them and make sure they are happy. if something happened, i would feel compelled to put my life on hold for them. i do hope this was an isolated incident.


in other news- i am getting my hair cut tomorrow, i have an interview at an amazing restaurant on wednesday, and it appears i did quite well this past semester.

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[28 Apr 2006|12:35pm]

it has been a very long time, i know. i hope to begin writing much more often now that school is out and my computer is fixed. though it was very nice to get away from the internet for a while, i do miss conversing and keeping up with friends. i feel cut off.



in other news, i have discovered amanda de cabenet. she is an actress who recently published her first book of photography, entitled: rare birds.



[this is all i could locate online]
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damn surveys. [21 Feb 2006|12:17am]
A - Available: no.
A - Age: 20.
A - Annoyance: television, at the moment.

B - Best Friends: patricia, laura, sam, philip, tricia, lauren, eric.
B - Bar: oh, cananda?
B - Birthday: september one six.

C - Crush: sure.
C - Car: safe white ford.
C - Cat: kitty [sophie].

D - Dead Pets Name: roxie.
D - Dads Name: gary.
D - Dog: see above.

E - Easiest person to talk to: patricia, laura, and eric.
E - Eggs: just the brown kind.
E - Email: starlitburbs@yahoo.com

F - Favorite color: green
F - Food: indian, asian, and crows nest.
F - Foreign Slang: puta?

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: the sour worm kind.
G - God: my god.
G - Good Time: i like the night, and watching movies. walks, drives, and chats too.

H - Hair Color: brown n' such.
H - Height: 5'10.
H - Happy: yes.

I - Ice Cream: i like cold stone, a lot.
I - Instrument: piano and cello.
I - Idol: various social activists and my friends.

J - Jewelry: just earings.
J - Job: i need one, bad.
J - Joke: usually racist, sexist, and classist.

K - Kids: yes.
K - karate: forced childhood activity.
K - kung fu: no comment.

L - Longest Car Ride: florida.
L - Longest Relationship: 3 years [on and off].
L - Last Kiss: earlier this evening.

M - Milk Flavor: soy or organic.
M - Mothers Name: lynne.
M - Movie Last Watched: thumbsucker.

N - Number of Siblings: uno. ella nombre es michelle.
N - Northern or Southern: northern.
N - Name: nicholas.

O - One Wish: to work for social justice.
O - One Phobia: sometimes i don't like small, crowded spaces.
O - Other Pop: what?

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: married.
P - Part of your appearance you like best: i like my legs.
P - Part of your Personality you like best: my sense of humor, and compassion.

Q - Quote:
Q - Question for the next person: do you eat your boogers? only in certain contexts.
Q - Quick or Slow?: slow to medium.

R - Reason to smile: philip, friends, the sun, and the little things.
R - Reality TV Show: i can't watch television anymore [except project runway].
R - Right or Left: left.

S - Song Last Heard: joanna newsom, i believe.
S - Season: autumn.
S - Sex: not before marriage.

T - Time you woke: around 10.
T - Time Now: 12:40 AM.
T - Time for bed: very soon.

U - Unknown Fact about me: i like pickle juice.
U - Unicorns?: good band.
U - You are: very busy with school.

V - Vegetable you hate: can't think of one.
V - Vegetable you love: spinach, broccoli, carrots, greenbeans.
V - View on politics: don't attach myself to any one label or group, but my views could be described as liberal and progressive.

W- Worst habbit? occasional smoking.
W- Where are you going to travel next? i do hope to at least get to chicago, if not santa bardara.
W- Website: i enjoy adbusters.org, and the profile sites.

X - X-Rays: edison [at the turn of the century] invented a novelty x-ray machine that were put in parlors and arcades. it was soon found they caused damage to skin, hair loss, and eventual death.
X - X-Rated Porn: is used from time to time.
X - X-tra special someone: philip.

Y - Year you were born: 1985.
Y - Year it is now: 2006.
Y - Yellow: makes me think of laura.

Z - Zoo Animal: i like the monkeys.
Z - Zodiac: virgo.
Z - Zoolander: only seen once or twice, years ago.

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[12 Jan 2006|02:48pm]
oh my, it has been a very long time. in the weeks since my last entry i went home to redford, worked at olga's, had a lot of fun, and then returned one week ago today. i missed my apartment very much. i sort of fell in love with it all over again my first night back. i love that i have at least two places in this world that feel like home.

this semester should prove very challenging. five classes, seventeen credit hours, a very large reading load, and amazing instructors. i have eng 410 [intro to popular culture], eng 312 [western world literature], art 221 [following 220 it is the second half of history], art 222 [africa, oceanic, and the americas], and finally span 101. so far, they all appear to be very interesting. i love school.

i no longer work at tgi fridays, so i must now begin the search for a new job. though i need the money, i am not going to rush into another job i hate. also, due to my schedule and homework load, i will not be able to work more than two or three days a week.




sorry for the lack of detail and insight into more personal issues, but that will come soon. i figured a basic update of events should be first.

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[05 Jan 2006|11:47am]
Post a memory of me from 2005.
It can be anything you want, just so long as it happened.

Then post this to your journal.

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i don't expect anyone to actually read this. [06 Dec 2005|06:13am]
though there are exceptions, i feel live journal entries can trivialize significant moments in life. when it comes to what really matters to me, and my most personal revelations, i prefer to keep my distance from the internet. though technology can be a very useful tool, i find it is not the best platform to express myself. i just personally find it limiting. though on one hand most of the people who read what i write are friends, it is also a public space best used for general announcements and sparking conversation. i can not help but think of all who will read an entry- and in turn, validate what i have to say. however, i know [outside of lj, myspace, aim, etc] that is not something i need, nor value. just because i love to verbally express myself, and talk with others at great length does not translate to the internet.


i am conflicted though. i say all this junk now, but who is to say tomorrow evening you wont be able to find my latest failure, triumph, or revelation spilled out in choppy paragraphs- screaming for comments. perhaps a healthy balance is the answer. there is no reason i should feel bad about writing a personal entry, or throwing out a new idea i have recently been entertaining. a part of us yearns to be understood and foster a sense of community. though i may not seek other's approval, or put very much stock in society, mass culture, etc- i can not deny my tendencies as a social creature. so, i suppose my issue is not whether or not involving others in such pursuits is wrong, but more what platform i choose to use. i recognize the power people have to help us in further understanding ourselves, and i value other's contributions [especially those who foster a sense of honesty, and maintain a subjective lens]. okay, this is very disjointed.

so, perhaps it is not the sharing of ideas or the internet [lj] as a means of expression that i find myself being so critical of, but the reason i may put certain things out there for all to see. what was once, though not obviously so at the time, a way of painting a certain picture of who i am and how i feel- has shifted to a more honest, less controlled outlet. we all do it, too. for fear of being harshly judged or confronted by someone you may wish to speak of- we censor ourselves. as i grow more into a personal sense of self that is less rooted in "others", i find this to be less of a problem. i was once very concerned with how others would react to my truth- even close friends. though i may have thought or felt it, more often than not, i would not write it. i find this to almost contradict the useful aspects of something like a live journal. if used correctly, it could bring people closer together- to a better understanding. i am quickly realizing my fears were irrational, and i was merely being insecure. as far as people go, the only feelings i can take into account are that of my good friends. though i mainly function internally as an independant being, i love my friends- and value their histories and theories in relation to my own. i will always continue to value self-definition, free from social constructs and labels [a life long pursuit] above all else. however, that does not take away ANYTHING from my relationships- it just puts it all into perspective. meaning, i find one can still honor their friendships and romantic partners, and hold them in the same esteem that indivuals who are less focused on self-definition and self-preservation. this is because, just as i value my own truths and means of attaining that truth, i see no right way of being. i think this best makes sense in simple terms. above all- i value choice. furthermore, i understand that our individual truths are subjective...and that it is challenging of assumptions and means of finding that truth that matters. for example, it is in no way wrong for a woman to shave her legs, bear children, or enter into a traditional heterosexual union. however, as with any other authentic truth, it is how we reach those conclusions that matter. traditionally, especially in second wave feminism, the example listed above was looked down on because it was seen as the result of gender roles, patriarchy, and the conditioning of women as merely romantic, sexual, or maternal beings. though in many cases, that may very well be true- it is not fare to assume a woman could not reach those same conclusions on her own. feminism functions in its most simple state to break down the barriers humans have been developing for centuries. however, as a result of trying to define what it is to be a woman free from oppression- an equally restrictive alternative is the result. this leaves so many out of the feminist circle. i as a man, and a women [like the example listen above] who can make an informed decision about who she is, free from construct, should be just as valued as the unshaven, militant, anti-femme, bra- burning steriotype. over all, and this really is a simple concept...there is no right way to be a feminist. this is about exploring your own truth, whatever it may be, free from labels, codes, government control, religion, or any other source of oppression.

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[22 Nov 2005|04:24pm]
there are only two weeks left of this semester. well, since we are now on thanksgiving break that really only leaves one week of classes. then finals. compared to last semester I have had much less homework, or at least large projects/papers. i have a lot to do- but the end is in sight.



i will be leaving very shortly for home. part of me wants to wait till it is just a bit darker.

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[17 Nov 2005|11:38pm]
today i drove longer than i really had to. i like the look of snow falling right before dusk. by then my engine was warm, the heat even and intense. window cracked.



it got me thinking of winters past, and i realized one of my favorite things is driving on a clear, cold cold cold winter night when the streets have long been cleared of snow. the salt has dried and leaves the streets white. for some reason i think of 96 and m5 out by novi and walled lake. the streets are wide, and it means i have at least a 20 minute drive ahead of me.

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[16 Nov 2005|10:54am]
heading home for the holidays should be nice. i have so many employment options back in detroit. so far, i am all set to go at the Novi tgi fridays, and olga's said I could come back as well. a part of me really wants to work at express too, but that might be taking it a bit far. in addition to working my ass off, i would like to see my friends.

i will be back wednesday for thanksgiving, and sometime in early december for christmas. thank you western for giving me over four weeks- i shall enjoy every minute of it.




i need to register for classes either today or tomorrow. how stressful.

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[11 Nov 2005|07:23pm]
sort of at a loss for words. though i probably shouldn't be, i am sad. sad because i love her and she is my best friend and i see her more than anyone else and we share the best times with one another and know each other better than anyone which is probably why i am so easily upset by bumps in the road and changes and cell phones.

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